The first time I met you.
It was summer when Sauhua was met, and the air in Shanghai was still very hot, and the sun was so hot that every footprint in the shade was red. When you see a photo project, you like to take pictures, and you don't have a picture of it. He was in Shanghai, where he was in Beijing, leaving the experience behind. In the short term, there were no plans to go to Beijing, adding Sauhua Weissin and making a little chat, and no contact. I remember that day as 2019.72, when I didn't feel anything special, it became the light of my life after me.
2019.9.3 In a sudden message, Sauhua asked me if I wanted to film the experience and thought it would be okay to go on the Fourth of July. At that time, there was no clear understanding of the content of the Shohua project, and it was fun, and it was a little bit of anticipation.
See you, Chewie.
The Fourth of July went to the north to watch the autumn and to experience the autumn of Beijing, with the joy of "Autumn, always good, wherever it is", and left in high irons and with my little yellow box. It's finished reading The Fragment of Man, which does not make me depressed, but rather loves life more, as if there are people in the world who understand you as well as themselves.
ONE.
It was about 10.4 a.m. with Sauhua, when the envisaged "P4 Theater" arrived, without knowing where the road was, opening the door of a taxi, and I saw Sauhua's footsteps in the light of the door, without having had the courage to close the door at first glance, acting like a bag. I don't remember my operation, cat, talking to Shawa. Having talked philosophy to Sauhua, who then gave me a few topics, "Sensitivity", "confidence", "value", I followed my thoughts and thought that what I said was good, that he kept smiling at me, and then thinking that I was really Benmon. Most of the conversation took place in a question-and-answer manner, as if I had been leading me to find something, and I followed the question and looked at myself, before I understood some of the ills in my heart, and the factors that caused them, but there was no way to look into them. Of the three topics, the most profound one is the topic of "low self-esteem." I never thought before about whether I was low or confident, but when Sauhua asked, "Do you have confidence?" I said, "I'm not confident, I'm not confident, I'm not confident." I can't touch his eyes. I can't hide my tension in any other way. I told Sauhua that I had no stable connection between emotional handicaps and opposite sex, that I had no trust in others, that I felt insecure and that once I liked a person, I wanted to cut him off, regardless of his attitude, and then wrapped myself up in my own shell. No solution had been given at this time, and it was on the periphery of the problem. I imagine my life after the age of 20/30, and I paint a picture of myself in a dark room in front of a window of light, with flowers on the table and no living body. I was surprised by my own thoughts. I was expecting warmth and warmth. Why did I throw it away?
He changed his position, went to a wonderful table with roses and incense, closed the curtain, and everything went dark, and the troupe occasionally came in to lie at the foot of Sauhua, and it had to be said that I loved the scene, with the flowers that I liked, and the light that smouldered. Through the dark candlelight, I can clearly see the face of Sauhua, whose eyes smiled at me, and his words seem to be shaking my soul, and I have no escape. Sauhua said, "Why don't you admit that you're lazy?" And then I didn't think about my lazy questions, just that I'm tired, and then when Shawa asked, I said, "I'm afraid," and the unconscious came out of it, like every time I did something, seemed to be in my unconscious. Sauhua left me with two questions: what do you think when you're scared; what is the relationship between thinking and doing?
When you were shooting, you were standing in the light, and you enjoyed the feeling of being surrounded by light, and Sauhua stopped the music, and I seemed more peaceful without it. At first the eyes were open and there was no sense of security and no access to that atmosphere. I closed my eyes and, with the words of Sauhua, I seemed to swim and see a lot of things I liked. But at the beginning, I interrupted Sauhua, like a poor playboy, trying to get his attention, like the most naughty kid in the class. Then I swam, and I didn't know where I was, in a state of unconsciousness, and I didn't remember what I had seen, or even what I had seen after I had opened my eyes, as if I was not there, and everything was there.
When I opened my eyes to the camera, I looked for myself in the camera and wanted to see what I looked like. Just as I was immersed, I finished taking portraits and my morbid state.
On the way back, I've been thinking, thinking about what I'm afraid of, what I'm afraid of, what I'm trying to prevent from seeing others, what I'm thinking about my life, my state. When I was in the bookstore on the afternoon of the 5th, I thought of Shawa, and I thought of Shawa, and I thought of him, and I laughed.
TWO body. Consciousness.
The second and Sauhua were scheduled to take place at 10 p.m. I was not late this time, and I cried when I was late, but also tripped. When I got there, I seemed to have a lot of things to say to Sauhua, crying, crying for my shoes, crying for my bean petals, and crying for my last 23 years. I don't think it's as good as the last one. The color of this one gives you a sense of aggression. I told Sauhua I seemed to know what I was afraid of.
Asking what it was like to take a portrait that day, he said it was a sculpture, and I didn't know what it meant in that moment. But I don't want to see it, but I'm talking to Shawa. When I was a kid, more people would say I'm pretty, but I'm a very nice person from primary school to high school, especially girls, boys who love me more, write love letters to me, but I never get close to them, keep the right distance, and all boys feel like I'm introverted, gentle, and there's no conflict. It's always written on the tape: Good girl, smile, be nice, love cats. There were no boys after the university, and the girls always said to me, "Sweety, you're so beautiful today, you ask me for a link to your clothes, but it seems to have brought me nothing. Life after the second year is still falling, and it's sad, and the favorite place is the university library, where every time you read a book and walk down the lake, there's a special peace in your heart, and the branches of the willows will float at me."
I talked to Sauhua about my body and consciousness, and I talked about my views, and when he finished talking about what he had and what he had learned from what he had, I felt a little more superficial and vulgar. The desire of the body is too heavy. I saw my portrait before, and I thought it would be the ceremony of a giant scene, as he said, but it was on Sauhua's computer. But the computer looks pretty good, and I'm not a ritualist. I don't like big paperwork, but sometimes I like rituals. Seeing the first eyes of the picture, no shock, even some joy, thinking it was me, the real me. But I'd rather see my eyes open, and I smiled when I saw the second one, so cool, ha, ha, ha, my contemptive eyes, and the third one was beautiful, and I never saw the first time I looked in the face of my face, because I was not on the side, I was on the back, I was never looking at the camera, I was hiding. Sauhua said my eyes were good, and I never saw it. I was shocked when he did it. Seeing my picture, Sauhua asked me what I thought, and I thought about Nin, Ha ha, and cool. I asked Sauhua, who said three words: empty thoughts, nothing, running away. Perfect. Sauhua is God.
I'm an actor.
I started taking pictures of my body, naked and I was a little overwhelmed by the flashlight, and I was naked not only by Sauhua, but also by the band, which was so embarrassing. This is not to say that they were stripped naked on the street, but were indeed stripped naked on the street, with flashlights. I'm glad that Shaohua put on my favorite music, that the whole hall is surrounded by music, that I'm in the music, that I'm completely out of the picture, that I'm angry, that I'm scared, that I said stop the music, and that Shawa has changed a softer rain and closed my eyes. In the words of Shaohua, I went to show that once in a while I went into a dream and saw that Shaohua was in reality, and seemed to have crossed the line. Stand up and show me no sense of security. I'll just lie down and show you how I feel. I can't play assault, I can't play contradiction, I'm not a good actor. I don't know what my body looks like in the camera, I don't know what it looks like, but I look forward to it.
It's like a dream on the way, and then it doesn't feel like it was. Ha ha, my white shorts, black pants.
Eyes.
I would like to single out the eyes, because the eyes of Sauhua seem to have undergone three phases of change, and without a third, the second phase would have been at least there. The first stage was when I was sitting on a stool and talking to Sauhua, which I could not look directly at, but covered with other things. The way I look at the rose table is that I can look in the eye a little, and I don't want to hide, and the way I look at him is a little soft, but I don't know what it is, but I just remember very clearly. The third stage is a post-opportunity look, which seems even more straightforward. The look of Sauhua makes me feel less bad, gives me a little confidence and strength to face another look that is no longer afraid, that I come closer to the world and that I feel less afraid and that I can trust. It's beautiful, it's pure, it's genuine, it's the best look I've ever seen.
Thank you for this shot with Sauhua, which seems to have baptized the life before, and washed my body clean after a heavy rain, leaving me no longer in a heavy position. It's a lot easier to walk the streets. Like when I was a kid, without anxiety, without oppression, with peace, with nature. I like this state.
Quantified
1. She has worn her hair up and smiled at her colleagues today, in a state of peace, different from the one in which she was indifferent or felt not to be admitted to her colleagues. A slightly older colleague boasted about her dress and how good she was, and wondered why she was still wearing black, but it seemed less important.
2. When she finished with him, she feared that she would never see him again, that she was sentimental and that she was afraid to leave. She asked if he would see him again, and he replied "Yes", and she felt much more. She did not think that she was the best person to see him again, so she told him that she lost five pounds, that she lost weight quickly and that that stage of her life was positive.
3. He did not know that she had written over five hours on the computer, but had not finished, to check the wording, the words and the wrong words.
4. She had wanted to do it later, but the mood of the record was so overwhelming that she had good memory and fear of oblivion, which she feared for oblivion.
5. She likes to knock and type on the computer.
6. She had been unable to complete her remarks on him.
7. He is the best man in the world. He is God.
♪ And dream into reality ♪
Two men's play.
Goodbye.
"I'm watching."