Sister
I grew up, growing up in countless pairs of indifferent and earnest eyes. The current society is built by a big man, and I ran behind the builder and circled around. Sister, to put it simply, I have become your least favorite idiot. Although I firmly believe that my mind and heart are as cold as the incandescent lights in a funeral home in the early morning... I think you also know that I am a self-constructed genius. If my life does not have self-construction, it will collapse in an instant, just like your life will turn into powder if there is no guidance from the great.
When was the last time you went home? I forgot. I still can't accept the life form that calls me uncle. This kind of birth from scratch sometimes scares me. Do you still remember? It seems that when you were in college, your father always used your laptop to watch TV series and play Landlords. Finally one day you couldn't help but shout to him: Go do business! Go get down to business! Even though Dad is embarrassed by your words, he agrees with the idea and I want to cry. I wanted to take him to bungee jumping. His wrinkles were very deep then and are even deeper now. I drank like crazy for a while - what's the point? It is nothing more than deceiving others and deceiving oneself. I think you are all opposed to my point of view.
Do you remember Wu Ning? That was my first love in high school. At that time, I spent the money you gave me to buy couple T-shirts with her. You met her and we played card games together at home. I broke up with her in less than 3 months. I didn't love her, and I never even thought about loving her. Do you still remember the pirated version of Sanmao's complete works that you gave me when I was in junior high school? Sanmao woke up one night and said to Jose
i think i'm in love with you
Jose said
good
That book was our common desire, and Wu Ning was not the projection of my desire at that time. I thought you were a romantic like me. It wasn't until you told us one day that you were pregnant and needed to take a break from school and then brought a confident, strange man into the house that I discovered that you and I were different.
When I was 16 years old, I would imagine myself at my best when I was 26 years old - a talented, gentle and socially successful person with eight-pack abs. Of course, now I have a round belly, a bit of bald head, and I often smile with a wrinkled face after scolding others. I was surrounded by people I didn't understand. One after another, they looked as if they had experienced World War II. They gave me a thumbs up and said: Xiao Jiang, you are awesome. commend? But I don't understand you, how can you understand me? Later, there were some teenagers around me who were less than 20 years old. Their wishes were the same as when I was 16 years old, and they were just as ashamed to admit it as I was when I was 16 years old. I would drink and chat with them with a smile. I have met many old friends recently, and I found that none of them are happy enough. It turns out that this is all wrong. I can't imagine that in 30 years, I will become a high-spirited and sarcastic person, full of fat brains, indifferent to everything but extremely passionate, losing desire and once impotent, sitting in the passenger seat and bossing people around. Thinking of these, I want to die now.
Finally one day I cut my own flesh with a knife at a performance. Many people present were unhappy and did not enjoy it.
"I feel your extreme pain"
Dissipate, dissipate, collapse!
What else can I do? My pain is not your pain. If I don't let you feel pain, how can I make you feel pain? What else can I do within the scope of my life? Okay, I don't want to deal with you now.
Art is an illusion, philosophy is a lie, and science is a tool to enslave you and me. Live in a huge emptiness and be less pretentious, guys.
We have been packaged and classified, and thrown into the construction of the world. Our pain has been defined and designed. With the emergence of countless self-consistent and dissolving commodities, everything has finally reached the great cycle of life. But can only the power of death penetrate you and me? By then it will be too late.
And I am changeable, sometimes vulgar, sometimes elegant, sometimes full of hate, sometimes full of wisdom, sometimes Jesus, sometimes Bei Dao. Do you know the story of Gautama Buddha cutting off his flesh and feeding it to eagles? He cut off his own flesh and fed it to the eagle chasing the white dove, because he was him, the knife was him, the meat was him, the eagle was him, and the white dove was also him. You see, if we become Buddhas, what should you do?
Later, I rubbed against Song Menglan's chest and howled: I want to release my sadness. That's what I was thinking. Ma Yixuan died, I was very sad, I couldn't make my own parents happy, I was even sadder, I really indulged myself too much. I have a smile on my face as I think about all this.
Sister, I haven't dreamed about you for a long time, and I haven't seen you for a long time. We were the closest companions in childhood. Now I often talk about life and death, but I don't know where you are going. I hope you are happier than me.
Sincerely, brother