01
It all started when I closed my eyes, and it was dark.
I sat on a bamboo mat with light music in my ears.
Why is this tunnel to my head vertical? Is it a well? For a moment, I thought about it.
Don't think about it. You should be more tolerant when you're sitting.
My heart's beating is clear, boom-bow-bow-bow-bow-bow-bow-bow-bow-bow-bow-bow. Where is this? I'm confused again.
I'm at the bottom of a wall of stone that leads to high places and can't look at my head. The air is cold, wet. I've been here for a long time, and I've lost my judgment about the measure of time. I guess it's really the bottom of a well? I'm closed.
It appears to have fled the trial of time, which has been unregulated by the pattern of day and night cycles. No day, no night. Every time I open my eyes, it's just a bad feeling. In chaos, the particles of light are scattered in the air, each of which is very clear, and I can feel that they're in my eyeballs.
What the hell is this? Why am I here?
My head's getting a little hot. It's going to be very difficult to sit down this time. Eyelids are always jumping, weird. There seems to be an air current in the air, shaking the air around me, even those bricks that surround me.
First the head, then the neck, the shoulder, the chest, the arm, a heat flowed along my body, and it got stronger. In the heat, my muscles start to tremble.
I can't. I opened my eyes. It's over again.
02
The heat felt like a light, cut off from above. It's all over me. No, it's spreading, growing up: my bamboo mat, turning around, wall... All things are turning from ashes into light, white light.
This light's getting brighter and it's teasing me. I reached out my hand, and in the air, the air got stuck. It's like my hands are immersed under water.
I stood up with a light feeling that I never had. This unprecedented brightness surrounds me and makes the body float. I opened my limbs and started pulling up.
It's so charming. Only My body shall melt with light, rising upwards and upwards, as a river in reverse to the gravity of the earth, so white, strong and vibrant. The more I cut my limbs, the more the light fits, the more it binds my body, the more it lifts up, the deeper it goes.
This moment, it's like I've been waiting for it.
In the long row, I can't tell whether it's air, beams, or some kind of glue, but it doesn't matter. And the pace of rowing is getting faster, and the shape of the bricks is starting to change, and it's changing in the swings, and it's swinging around, like I'm flying in the intestinal tract of a giant worm.
The joy of rowing has encroached on my consciousness, and I am using ever-increasing strength to fly up and out, to become this light, the brightest, the hottest, the most eternal particle.
The sprint of this power lasted long enough for me to lose consciousness and for my arms to become light and transparent in my eyes.
The endless radiance of light has finally come to its end.
03
Zoo-- a sound, all the light retreats in an instant. Gravity came back to me, so tired. The force just disappeared.
I couldn't help but get my knee soft and paralyzed.
And that's when I began to distinguish between the darker scenes - I came to a room. An empty room with only windows. The room looks small, but the borders are always shaking, and I wonder if it's because I've been flying for a long time. Apart from the ground, which is a clean white tile, the entire room is left with glass windows with half a wall high.
I walked towards the window, and it was so close and far away. I thought I was close, and suddenly I was far away. So I stopped.
Outside the window, it was a shining world.
It's pure white: it's a flat ground on the mountains. The trees before us are thin and thin, all covered with thick snow blankets, full of light. White-eyed. There's something I want to disappear into this light that pierces me.
The mountains are endless, and I can see in the distance - one by one, the mountains are not exhausted.
I couldn't find the sun -- but I knew it must be particularly strong and the source of light.
Snow so bright, so drunk. Everything is clear and transparent. Everywhere the light washes everything.
And my eyes gradually left my body, penetrating through the glass window, into the arms of light.
The sky is water-washed blue that makes me cry. Is that true? Or is it just a reflection of light on my retina?
Flying snowflakes, so big.
04
A giant eagle appeared on a distant ridge and circled. Like a black lightning, wide and strong, fast and ill. My eyes have fallen upon it in solidness, and I can never leave.
It circled me in the mountains, so my world was filled with bright colors. The radiant snow is full of ridges and valleys, and the landscape is so high, so far from me, even a little scary. Its feathers are shaking in the cold air, flying high, falling down with no hesitation, and it is so sweet. I wish it would fall on its back forever.
In the blue sky, a big snowflake comes, clear and bright, as my memory of the past turns, and then fades. The eagle chases a snowflake, which is the brightest one in the air, and the hexagonal pattern is as clear as to be printed in my retina. This is a very elegant geometry.
The wind is high and the hawk's flight route is becoming more tenacious. The faster the snowflakes fly, the more they turn and take us back to the back of the cabin. Turns out the cabin had a cliff on its back.
Eagle, strung down. The abyss.
For a snowflake.
I fell too.
The light disappears, snowflakes, blue skies everything that shines and drunks and even the eagles disappear.
We're going to go all the way. Rotating, darkening. Turns out there's a layer of black, and I'm overstretching my last sense of consciousness about its gradual erosion of light.
My nerves are cold, and the feeling of an impotent souffle crawls up: I'm cooling down and it's going out.
I'm trying my best to fall into a never-ending future.
In fear, there is a joy of destruction.
It's the acceleration of gravity, my senses tell me.
The faster it gets dizzier, the more dizzier it gets, the stronger it gets.
Everything is spinning, and the danger of suffocation is approaching.
My mind is starting to fail. Darkness. Why is it not the end?
At the last minute, I closed my eyes again.
It was an explosive moment, and I was crushed, and the light came back.